Parenting is a Bipolar Disorder

An open letter to my beautiful children,

I hope that when you read this letter you will have had children of your own to fully relate to what I’m about to say. Being a parent is the most liberating experience you will ever have in your life. You will discover feelings that you’ve never felt before and there will be no words to ever explain them. It will be the happiest and possibly the most difficult time of your life. If and when that time comes, you will quickly learn that you now possess some kind of anxiety disorder. There’s no doubt about it; parenting is a bipolar disorder. Period.



parenting is a bipolar disorder

 

Parenting Is a Bipolar Disorder

We all see these amazing (and beautiful, I might add) family photos on social media all the time! These photos and posts about our wonderful kids are absolutely beautiful! They make us smile and get a lot of “likes” and “comments” on our pages. We enjoy seeing these highlight posts from our friends everyday and we enjoy posting them ourselves. It’s a way for us to preserve these beautiful moments so we can look back on them in the future. However, can you imagine what our Facebook pages would look like if we posted every single event that happened throughout our entire day? (I know some people who actually do that. Stop it.) However, life is real and not even close to being the perfect picture we paint on Facebook or any other social media. Truthfully, mommy’s tired! I’m tired of picking up your shit off the floor and then picking it up again! I’m tired of doing the dishes just to make a dinner that you probably won’t eat to make more dishes that will need to be done again. I’m tired of folding laundry, wiping butts in the middle of dinner time, finding the other shoe just so you can kick them off as soon as you get into the car. I’m tired of you fighting your nap time when you are clearly tired and hearing you bitch and complain about everything. I’m tired of watching nothing but kid shows on TV, having an audience in the bathroom and having absolutely no personal space. In fact, Mommy Needs a Drink right about now but I wholeheartedly promise you that every cute moment and all the adorable things you do will be shared proudly on all social media outlets because you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You give me a reason to live and I love you more than you will ever know.parenting is a bipolar disorder

There will be a day when I look back at all the things you did and laugh at the anxiety you gave me. I will miss these days. I actually cherish them. Even now, as you are sitting in time out at this very moment (while I’m writing this blog post) because you cut up our family photos with safety scissors. This time will pass and mommy loves you like a psychopath. So if you’ve ever wondered what drove mommy to insanity; just remember it’s all your fault because parenting is a bipolar disorder.

Love,

Mommy

the amazing life of a sarcastic wife

momma needs a drink

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Meatloaf Burgers

These Meatloaf Burgers are seriously amazing and they get the stamp of approval from my picky eater!

If you have a picky eater or a kid with texture aversions; you know the struggle! Discovering a recipe that works for the whole family is really a huge deal in our house!

meatloaf burgers

 

thepickyeater

Meatloaf Burgers Ingredients:

2 pounds     Ground Beef or Ground Turkey

1/2     Onion (minced)

4 cloves    Garlic (minced)

1 tablespoon    Tomato Paste

1 teaspoon     Worcestershire Sauce

1     Egg

1 tablespoon     Fresh Basal (Finely Chopped)

1 teaspoon     Salt

1/2 teaspoon     Black Pepper

1/2 cup    Bread Crumbs (optional)

1/4 cup      Milk  (if you don’t use bread crumbs you won’t need milk)



Toppings:

Hamburger Buns          Ketchuppickyeaterstamp

Mustard          Mayo

Tomato          Lettuce

Pickles          Cheese

 

Directions:

Pre-heat your grill to medium high heat.

Combine all ingredients in a bowl and mash together.  Divide into equal parts and roll into patties.

Once the grill is hot, reduce the heat to medium. Grill the patties for about 5 minutes on each side or until they are fully cooked. Time will really depend on the thickness of your patties.

Place patties on bun with your choice of toppings and ENJOY!!




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7 Secrets To Wedded Bliss

If you are looking for 7 secrets to wedded bliss; you’ve come to the right place! First, lets get this straight… On the day you say “I do,” you are promising someone that you will love them unconditionally for the rest of your life… Like, forever… That’s so beautiful….So really, by definition of “unconditional love” you are promising that (no matter the circumstances) you will deal with someone else’s bullshit for the rest of your life. Like, forever… Let that soak in for a minute.

unconditional: 

[uhn-kuh n-dishuh-nl]

adjective  

1. not limited by conditionsabsolute : an unconditional promise.

So really, by definition of “unconditional love” you are promising that (no matter the circumstances) you will deal with someone else’s bullshit  for the rest of your life.  Like, forever… Let that soak in for a minute… Your almost ready for the (sarcastic)  7 secrets to wedded bliss!

 

Guys,

This means you are going to have to wait for her to get ready.  And then she’ll get ready again. She’ll change her outfit three times and then she’ll change back into the original outfit she had on an hour ago. Just shut up and deal with it. Then you’ll head out to the same restaurant you’ve gone to every week for the last 10 years and order the same steak and beer, because you both can’t ever agree on a different place to eat. She’ll spend too much money, she’ll forget to pay a bill every now and then and her cooking will probably never be like your mother’s. She’ll get pissed off at you because you’re so damn annoying but just shut up and deal with it.

Waiting on a woman

Girls,

You’re going to have to pick up his shit, wash his underwear, ask him what he wants to eat 80 times a day because he says, “I don’t care.” You’ll make a suggestion and then he really doesn’t feel like eating that.  But he said, “I don’t care” when in fact, he really does care! You’ll watch hunting, fishing, zombie and viking shit on TV every day for the rest of your life…

BUT at the end of the day, you love each other unconditionally and that’s all that matters!

7 Secrets To Wedded Bliss

7 Secrets To Wedded Bliss 

  1. Don’t be an asshole.
  2. Communication is NOT always the key: Sometimes, knowing when to shut the hell up is way more valuable than dragging out an argument.  (Of course, communication is important too!)
  3. Pick your battles: Seriously. Not everything has to be a drawn out argument.  When you start picking your battles, you realize you kinda don’t give a shit as much as you thought you did. Nagging is so annoying that you should be totally annoyed with yourself if you can’t shut the hell up over the little things.
  4. Get over it: If it’s not something that will define the rest of your life together; just get over it.  You will piss each other off but no one is perfect. Don’t expect an apology every time. No one needs to be sorry for their genuine feelings.  Just get over it!
  5. Put up with each other’s bullshit: Like, all of it.  You married it. You deal with it.
  6. Don’t ask me where I want to eat if you are not willing to eat there!
  7. Remember why you love each other: There’s obviously a reason why you wanted to spend the rest of your life together.  Always remember what that reason was and go back to that.  Always go back to that.

 

 




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DIY Burlap Wreath

You can now make a beautiful statement when guests walk up to your home with this DIY Burlap Wreath tutorial!  Of course, you can pick any colors you like! The possibilities are are really endless! I hope you have fun with this tutorial and make something beautiful! Don’t forget to share your DIY Burlap Wreath pics with us!

DIY Burlap Wreath

Supplies:

wire wreath frame (I like to use a 20″ frame)

4 burlap rolls

wire edged ribbon for the bow

floral wire

wire cutters

DIY Burlap Wreath Supplies

Instructions:

Cut about an 8″ piece of floral wire and twist tie the beginning of the burlap to the wreath frame. DIY Burlap Wreath Tutorial

Do not clip the wire until you are finished.

DIY Burlap Wreath Tutorial

Make a couple of loops weaving through the frame…

DIY Burlap Wreath Tutorial2

DIY Burlap Wreath Tutorial

… and Scrunch!!

DIY Burlap Wreath Tutorial

Continue to weave two more loops at a time and scrunch until you run out of fabric. Twist tie the end of the fabric with more floral wire.

DIY Burlap Wreath Tutorial

Overlap the new fabric onto the previous one and twist tie with the same floral wire.

DIY Burlap Wreath Tutorial

Continue to loop and scrunch all the way around.  When you are finished you can clip the wires and tuck them into the wreath.

Using your wire edged ribbon; fashion a long piece into a bow and fasten the middle with more floral wire. Connect the ribbon to the wreath frame using the same floral wire.  Clip the edges of the ribbon to your desired length.

You can place anything you want in the middle.  I’ve made this wreath with a cross and another with a chalkboard.

DIY Burlap Wreath Tutorial

I hope this has been helpful! Please comment with any questions you may have or for more wreath ideas please feel free to subscribe to this page. Have a great day!

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Amazing Pasta Sauce

This Amazing Pasta Sauce is simple and so good! This recipe proves that food doesn’t have to be complicated to be delicious! I use this sauce on pastas, chicken, zucchini noodles and as a pizza sauce for my picky eater so it gets the stamp of approval for picky eaters too! I like to double the batch so I can freeze some and have it ready for when we are starving between baseball and soccer practices and have no time to cook! At least I know there is something in the fridge everyone will eat!

amazingpastasauce

 

Amazing Pasta Sauce Ingredients

2 Tbsp oil

1/2 onion or 1 small onion ( I use a small finely chopped for the picky eater)

8 cloves garlic, minced

2 (28 oz) cans crushed tomatoespicky eater stamp of approval

1 (6 oz) can tomato paste

2 Tbsp finely chopped fresh basil

2 Tbsp finely chopped fresh parsley

1 Tbsp finely chopped fresh oregano

1/2 Tsp salt (or salt to taste)

1/4 cup sugar

Directions

Heat the oil in a 4 to 6 quart pot over medium low heat. Add the onion and cook 6 to 8 minutes, stirring occasionally, until tender.  (If necessary, adjust the heat to avoid browning.) Add the garlic and cook for a couple minutes, stirring occasionally. Stir in the crushed tomatoes, sugar and tomato paste, increase the heat to high, and bring to a boil. Remove from the heat and stir in the basil, parsley, oregano and salt.

Use immediately or refrigerate for up to 1 week. You can also freeze sauce for up to 2 months (maybe more but I don’t know the rules on that.)




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Road Trip Survival Guide For Kids

 

Road Trip Survival Guide For Kids

 

There was a time in our lives when my hubby and I would take a week long vacation every year in Mexico. The beautiful condos overlooking a breathtaking beach, swimming pools and cabanas were incredible.  Ohhh and the luxuries of a day spa, gym, shopping and restaurants…. Awe, I remember it like it was just yesterday. I miss those days…..

Fast Forward:
Well, six years and two kids later, we have yet to take a vacation. Unless you consider an unbearable 3.5 hour drive to Albuquerque, NM once or twice a year as a “vacation”.
Here’s how that plays out…
The Road Trip:
How can one little girl continuously scream at the top of her lungs for 3.5 hours straight!? (Not even an exaggeration) The other kid is asking, “are we there yet?” every 10 minutes. I ask myself every single time, “WHY DO WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES!?” By the second hour, my anxiety level is straight through the roof, I can’t breathe, I’m hyperventilating and crying! About the last half hour of the journey the screamer finally falls asleep. I can finally breathe and I’m taking pictures of her sweet sleeping angelic face! (This is my road trip induced Bipolar Disorder)
albuquerque-sign-theamazinglife
And then after a couple of days:
Repeat road trip hell & anxiety-attacked-bipolar episode above.
Fast forward to the present:
So, now we’ve decided to finally take a real family vacation this summer! Woo-hoo! Right? Well not exactly…
We’re DRIVING 8 HOURS to San Antonio with the “screaming machine” and the “are we there yet” broken record.  Wish us luck…
 Road Trip Survival Guide For Kids
Here is the list I’ve  compiled of road trip must haves our family cannot live without.
  (I’ve included a few resource links for your convenience)
  • Snacks-  Lots and lots of snacks!! It’s harder for kids to scream while their mouths are occupied with cookies and fruit snacks.
  • Portable Potty–  Because no one has to go potty until you are 15 miles away from the next rest area!  Double-bag the potty with grocery bags or trash bags for a quicker clean up.
  • Kid Approved Music–  I like to use Kids Bop because we get to hear versions of the popular music we love without the worry of an occasional F-Bomb.
  • DVD Player– Because it shuts everyone up.
  •  Kids Tablets– Because kids cannot live without them these days.
  • Headphones!!– This is a no brainer.  The headphones are so we can enjoy a few minutes of peace and quiet without having to listen to the movie Frozen for the 5 billionth time.
  • Kids Car Seat Trays–  An easier way for kids to eat, drink and do activities without making a huge mess.
  • First Aid Kit with Tylenol & Allergy Meds–  Even if its just a scratch; they won’t stop crying until you put a band aid on it.  Just put a damn band aid on it!!!
  • Hand Sanitizer–  Because germs are gross.
  • Treasure Box–  A box full of new (cheap dollar store) toys!! Every hour they get a surprise from the treasure box which will keep them entertained for at least a few minutes.
  • Smart Support Backpack–   I cannot tell you how many times it has saved my life.  My kids hated being in a stroller.  They would rather be on our back where they can see everything while they are still contained from running like wild animals. Not to mention,  they usually fall asleep quickly without a fuss. I’ve had so many parents ask us where we got it. So here it is!!

Good luck on your family vacations!

If you’ve enjoyed this post please feel free to like it, share it, tweet it or pin it!  Have a great day!

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Laundry Guide To Save Your Sanity

Okay I’ll admit it…

I’m probably the least domestic work-from-home mom you’ll ever meet. In fact, I’m probably the least likely person to give you advice about laundry. So, how did I create this Laundry Guide to Save Your Sanity? Well, quite honestly I’ve had a housekeeper for as long as I can remember and I depend on her as much as I depend on my right arm. I’ve never had to worry about having an uncontrollable mess, dirty dishes or piled up laundry. I knew she would always come to my rescue. That is, until one dreadfully sad, sad, sad day… she quit. Did I mention, sad?

The one thing I miss the most is having our laundry done. How do people do this stuff!? Let me get this rant out of the way… I HATE LAUNDRY!!

(Continue reading to find a Laundry Guide to Save Your Sanity)

laundry guide to save your sanity

So, now I have to come up with a simplified procedure or I give up and drown in this sea of laundry.

Personally, the problem is not getting the laundry washed and dried. It’s getting the laundry put away that is incredibly monotonous. I end up throwing in the towel and leaving the clean clothes in a pile on my bedroom floor.

Best. Wife. Ever… Right?

After, mountains of clothes and many, many unsuccessful trials and miserable failures, I finally found a routine that works for me. Here it is…

Laundry Guide To Save Your SANITY

Divide the clothes into these categories:

Pants
Shirts and Sweaters
Underwear, Socks and Undershirts
Towels and Blankets
Misc

Do not, I repeat, do not throw in one or two shirts with your pants load or vice versa! This may sound ridiculous but trust me, it’s an O.C.D nightmare. You will be thankful in the end. Laundry Guide to Save Your SanityRather than separate by just colors, I find it easier and less chaotic in the end to put away the clothes that are in these categories.

When I get pants out of the drier I lay them out flat in a pile and start placing pant hangers on all of them. Same with the shirts and sweaters. Since underwear, socks and undershirts are all things that need to be folded, they all go in the same load.

I find it easier to get into a faster rhythm if I’m doing all of the same category instead of switching from shirt hangers to pant hangers and folding undershirts in between matching socks. This may not be rocket science but it was a breakthrough for me when the laundry actually started getting put away!

I challenge you to try this Laundry Guide to Save Your Sanity for one week and let me know how it goes!

 If you’ve enjoyed this post please feel free to like it, share it, tweet it or in it! 

Have a great day!

 

 

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Sleep Deprived Nonsense

Sleep Deprived Nonsense

So, my 19 month old feels it necessary to break into a full on crying fit at night every time she needs to change her sleeping positions. Awesome, right? This results in me running in with milk to comfort her before she wakes up her brother. She then refuses the bottle of milk and holds her arms out for me to pick her up. (Yes, she still drinks a bottle at night and no, I don’t give a shit what anyone says. One thing at a time.) We end up in our bed for the rest of the night and she sleeps on top of my face screaming at me every 30 minutes to an hour for either a diaper change, milk, a cuddle from a grumpy daddy or to be picked up and rocked back to sleep from mommy. Yup, my nights are filled with a busy agenda. Needless to say, I don’t get much sleep….

So, today my exhaustion was catching up to me as I was laying on the couch for a while; slipping in and out of conscience every couple of minutes while my precious little screamer was crawling all over my body. After about 45 minutes I got up and told my son that I was sorry for being so lazy.
He said, (in his sweetest softest chipmunk voice) “it’s okay mommy. Is there something I can do for you? Brush your hair? (Thanks for pointing that out) Clean the table? Clean the kitchen? Anything?”
Awww!  He makes my heart smile so bright sometimes!  I replied, “no, baby but I appreciate that you want to do those things for me. I love you. You like to make people happy and I love that about you.”
(…. And then the sweet moment passes)   As his eye balls were then glued to the TV; he then responded without looking up, “huh? I’m sorry mom. What were you saying?”
I replied, “Nothing, I was just saying that you’re just like your daddy. Now, clean the table and brush my hair…”
Then he randomly asked me if I had ever worked at Hooters and I confirmed yet again that he is in fact his father’s child.

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