Written by S.W.T.
There I am, legs spread eagle staring at a stupid poster of a beach scene thumb-tacked to the ceiling
As you know, these damn procedures are bad enough without all the desperate small talk the OB-GYN attempts to make while “applying pressure” to your nether regions. This year was exceptionally horrendous. Here’s the thing, I’m in relatively good health. (I could stand to lose a few pounds but, who couldn’t) I have never had “abnormal” results and let’s be honest, the only reason I keep the damn appointment is so I can get my annual prescription of no-baby pills.
So, while my OB-GYN poked around my tits and said “you know you’re not getting any younger. Now would be a good time to talk about family planning. When are you going to have children?” I was visibly annoyed and responded with, “Yes, that’s why I’m here…I’m planning on not having any, so can you please give me my prescription”. She didn’t stop there and continued with the ubiquitous, “You’ll change your mind” in a quite obvious judgmental tone. It was at that point I decided to find a new OB-GYN. Don’t judge me because I don’t want kids.
Listen, I get it. I’m a married woman in her mid-thirties “When are you going to have kids?” is a one of those questions I expect at this point in my life and Yes! It’s annoying for several reasons but, first and foremost it’s annoying because my procreative choices are none of your goddamn business. The End. That’s all. Bye.
I’m pretty vocal about my decision
I understand why people feel they can chime in and ask more questions, give opinions, or offer advice but my decision is just none of your business. I don’t need to be told what I’ll be missing out on, how I’ll never know true love until I have children of my own, or how I’m still so young that I’ll probably change my mind. Hey, maybe all those things are true or maybe they’re not but, it doesn’t matter. I’ve made a conscious choice and it should be respected. Don’t judge me because I don’t want kids.
I think what bothers me most about the “when are you going to have kids” question is the lack of awareness by those who ask. I’m fortunate to be healthy and I don’t have any diagnosed reproductive issues (that I know of) and while it may seem like a simple enough inquiry, asking it to the wrong person could be hurtful. You do not know the struggles some people may be facing. Someone could be dealing with health issues that make it impossible, or having relationship problems that aren’t publicly known, or under stress and the timing isn’t quite right, or grieving a miscarriage. You. Just. Don’t. Know.
I will say that I never really thought about having kids until I got married
It was just never on my radar. I have nieces, nephews, and Godchildren and I love them all. They are sweet and funny and smart and caring and I love to be around them until I have a headache from the pouting or crying or fighting or not listening or the random stickiness (like, really why are kids always sticky? Where does it come from? What is it?). But, now when I do think about it (and yes, I think about it) there are several reasons why I don’t want kids; it’s a lifestyle choice really. I’m really excited about a lot of stuff I have going on in my life right now and I’m thrilled about all I have planned for the future. Having a child just isn’t one of those things.
That’s not to say I haven’t thought about what my life would be like if I did have kids. I honestly believe that my husband and I would be terrific parents and if we happen to have one of those “Friday night and a bottle of wine oopsies” kids in the future, then…YAY!
But for now I’ll just continue to live my child-free, unfulfilled life
I’ll continue to plan my next vacation to London, go to the movies on a whim, use the bathroom by myself and spend all my money on beer. Besides, I’m already a mom. My kid just happens to be four-legged and slobbery.
Don’t judge me because I don’t want kids.