The Mom Saga

The Mom Saga: a long and complicated series of events.

Do you ever feel like you rock the shit out of being a mom?

I NEVER do but I damn well try! I’m a damn good mom but I never rock the shit out of any of it. My life is mostly a story of same shit, different day. This is The Mom Saga.

Here’s a week worth of sarcastic chaos in my shoes…

the mom saga

Monday:

Between finding matching socks, clean underwear, getting the kids dressed, lunches and backpacks packed, everyone’s teeth brushed and off to school on time (or at least before the second bell rings which is still considered on time), I finally made it to my dentist appointment only 5 minutes late with mascara on only my right eye lashes. The 3 year old is watching Kids Netflix and eating fish crackers in the corner. I remembered to put it on the “Kids” channel this time so at least she won’t be watching The Wolf of Wall Street again. (Mother of the year, right here) 

Then we’re off to feed the princess before she becomes the hangry beast. Yes, hangry is a word.  Look it up. 

We pick up the boy early from school so I can get to an MRI appointment before we head out to his baseball game and reluctantly miss volleyball practice for only the first time this week. At this point I feel like I really need to get my shit together but there’s no time to dwell on it because I need to find a sports cup and a jock strap before we are late for the 3rd time today. Did I even feed the boy? Who knows, I’m sure we can find some leftover fish crackers in the car somewhere. 

The game ends and it’s now 8:00 pm. Kids are starving and I’m not even about to start the “cooking dinner for picky eaters” process right now. They’re ecstatic to be getting fast food but I’m feeling like a failure. 

Tuesday:

6:30am… Snooze 

6:45am… Snooze 

7:10am… Holy shit, car pool is coming in 20 minutes and I still need to get the boy up and functioning enough to brush his teeth, find his clean underwear, matching socks and make his lunch. Hopefully the girl will sleep long enough for me to get through the morning rush… Nope not today. Now we have to hear her complain about how sleepy she is (but no one made her wake up) and someone needs to hold her, someone needs to turn on the TV for her, change the channel and then change it back. Then she has to pee but too tired to walk to the toilet so someone needs to carry her. 

7:27am… Car pool is early! 

Throw together a pb&j sandwich, toss it in a lunchbox and send the boy out the door.  I’m pretty sure he brushed his teeth but that’s not even on my list of things to stress about anymore. 

The rest of the morning is trying to get the girl to cooperate

We need to get out of the house to run errands and do a little work before we have to pick up brother from school. I’m personally feeling like shit today but that’s neither here nor there. We finally get out of the house and she falls asleep in the car. So much for running errands. The little girl slept in what looked like a very uncomfortable position but I wasn’t about move her. You wouldn’t poke a sleeping bear and you never poke a sleeping toddler! 

Then it’s time to drive to the school to find a parking because if you’re not there 45 minutes early you will NEVER find a parking! Of course the hibernating bear wakes up hungry! I promised I’d feed them both after school pick up but son of a bitch, I forgot we have a parent teacher conference today! It’s fast food time again or else they’ll never eat before soccer practice! Quick stop for a bean burrito! Beans are a vegetable, right? Whatever. 

Parent teacher conference yada yada yada… (I only cried once. 3rd grade is hard! Lol)

Stop at home to change for soccer. The little girl had one pink sock and one black sock. (Mom didn’t even try) Water bottles, soccer equipment, kids buckled up and… go! 

Dealt with parents bitching and complaining about soccer time and how hard it is to get there on time. Seriously, don’t f**king go there… 

Wednesday:

Same shit, different day…pb&j. 

Early pick up from school again so I could make it to my Oncologist appointment. 

Quick stop for dinner before we attempted to make it to volleyball practice on time but failed miserably. The boy excitedly reminds me that he doesn’t have school Thursday or Friday. Great, what the heck am I suppose to do with them for 4 consecutive days!? I’m running on empty! 

Thursday:

6:30am… Snooze 

6:45am… Snooze 

7:05am… Holy shit, not again! Oh, wait there’s no school today! 

Sleep…

7:08am… “Mommy, can I watch TV in your bed? I need to pee. Hold me, I’m sleepy. Can I have cereal?”… Seriously? 

Worked on the computer as much as I could while the kids ate junk food and watched scary movies all afternoon (which I knew would bite me in the ass at bed time) but it’s the only way I could have a few hours of peace. Of course time finds a way of sneaking off, so now I’m scrambling to find a “clean enough” baseball uniform in the laundry basket. The little girl had matching soccer socks this time but one of them was dirty. Water bottles, soccer equipment, baseball equipment, kids buckled up and… go! 

Shit, I’m the snack mom today!

Holy mother f**ker!! Quick stop for snacks then drop off the boy at baseball. Drove across town to soccer practice. The girl falls asleep in that “I’m pretty sure her neck will snap off if I slam on the breaks,” position again but you never poke the bear! She slept for the duration of her practice then we ran back across town to see the rest of the boy’s baseball game. Of course the kids are starving afterwards and it’s fast food again. 

I can never seem to “get my shit together”

I’m sure tomorrow will bring another story of the mom saga but in the midst of all this chaos and feelings of half-assing life, I’ve realized that this is what it’s all about. I may fail everyday at one thing or another but I’m here and I’m trying and that’s all my kids will ever remember. I will always TRY my very best to be the mom I want them to remember. They won’t remember all the chaos. They won’t remember my stress or anxiety but they will remember that I was there. 

This is the story of all moms. The details may change but every mom has their own version of same shit, different day. There is one thing I know for sure. We need to remember to enjoy every minute of this mess we call “life” because in the center of it all are these tiny humans that only want to experience EVERYTHING that life has to offer and is that too much to ask? Absolutely not. You’re probably exhausted and delusional but at the end of it all, they will remember these experiences. Most importantly, they will simply remember that you were there. 

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