The Time I Ate All of My Daughter’s Candy

I was reading through some old journal posts that I had and this made me laugh out loud (literally)

This is about the time I ate all of my daughter’s candy.

We took a little “end of summer road trip” before the kids had to go back to school. The trip was only a 3 hour drive but factoring in all the elements of 2 kids, 2 toddlers and 3 adults in 1 vehicle makes for a long day.

To start off, it wasn’t even an hour into the trip and I’ve already spilled someone’s pee all over me! I forgot there was pee in the car-potty (yes, we have a car-potty. Lol) Basically, I forgot there was pee in it and picked it up over my head to move it to the other side of the car. Not like a little splash of pee; all the pee. All. Over. Me. It’s also quite possible that some of the pee may have spilled (just a tiny bit) into the hubby’s water cup. However, I didn’t say anything because he was laughing so hard and making fun of me pretty badly. So basically, jokes on him… 

The Time I Ate All of My Daughter's Candy

As if smelling like a porta-potty wasn’t bad enough; we’ve heard kids crying and complaining, I’ve endured the hubby’s sarcastic comments and I’ve dealt with the attitude of a three year old asshole all-flipping-day. Yes I said it, she’s an asshole. She’s damn cute, absolutely no doubt about it but for goodness sake; she’s sarcastic and she never stops talking. I know we created that little monster and I wouldn’t want her any other way. She’s strong willed and I’m so thankful that we’ll never have to worry about her when she’s older but damn… she’s an asshole. 

Once we arrived at the hotel

I bought some candy for all the kids to share. Right away, the 3 year old little girl decides to try and manipulate her way into keeping more candy for herself by telling me that her 2 year old cousin would choke on the candy and that she’d better not give him any. Then she eats her candy and proceeds to throw a temper tantrum for unrelated reasons. In turn, she chokes on her candy nearly scaring me half to death!

Once she gagged up her candy onto the floor and I was certain she was out of any danger; all I wanted to do was strangle that little girl by her neck! I was so upset! I had already dealt with her shit all day and now she’s having a temper tantrum for absolutely no reason and almost killed herself in the process; ironically after she suggested the 2 year old would choke on the exact candy she was choking on. Not only did I sit her little ass in time out but I took the rest of her candy that she was no longer allowed to enjoy and I ate it in front of her. I’m pretty sure that’s not the best solution to our problems and I’m in no way suggesting that I’m mother-of-the-year but I will take a small victory where I can get one. 

By the way, it felt so damn good!

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The Time I Ate All of My Daughter's Candy


The Time I Ate All of My Daughter’s Candy

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